Reservations With Death; The Morning I Overslept

I can be honest. I am not afraid of who I am

Ever wondered what it is that makes some people so capable of reading other people? Well, let me tell you so have I. It's been a constant question and answer session within myself. Searching for the answer as to what makes these people so different that sizing up another individual only seems to take minutes, their minutes to my months. 

E.I. or emotional intelligence is demonstrated in many behaviors, but one is the ability to lay out boundaries and communicate effectively your interests, needs, and personal rules for friendship. You can be extremely kind to the point people mistrust you, but to be considered Emotionally Intelligent,  not only must you show sensitivity, kindness, and caring but be able to apply those traits with a certain tact. An accompanying talent for communication that allows others to see that even though you are kind, you are not weak. You are able to maintain your personal boundaries despite the numerous attempts to invade your space, manipulate and take advantage of your kind nature.  

I am constantly growing and striving to reach more comfortable, wise, and intuitive personal statuses. I have overcome my fear of confrontation and feel I am assertive. When I struggle in relationships I tend to examine my own shortcomings that may have created the problem at hand. I consciously make an effort not to search for blame but turn instead rather to solutions. Despite personal growth, a part of me must still emulate a vulnerable, and insecure girl as opposed to a mature self-sufficient woman. I say this because recently I again found myself in a 'friendship' with an emotionally unstable manipulator.

As I have a history for attracting people with personality disorders, I have learned to keep my eyes open long into the relationship. This awareness has saved me multiple serious complications in life. As rewarding as that may be, I would much prefer to have the talents of my nemesis's and be able to see them coming from a mile away. I obviously have not yet reach my desired level of emotional intelligence as I still attract the wrong kind. But it is to them I can be grateful for teaching me what to look for in friendships that can be warning signs. At least now I can bail while the door is open rather than allowing myself to get wound up in a spider's web. 

Just because your paranoid.......

One of my long time favorite quotes has been "just because your paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you!"I read that in my doctors office on a poster as I awaited my first female exam. I immediately adopted the saying and made it mine. To this day however I couldn't tell you who the author was, just that I owned it and have always appreciated the authors sense of ironic humor.  I wonder if you have experienced letting your mind wander over the subject involving large internet tech companies like Microsoft, Google, Facebook, Twitter and our willingness to open our private lives for them to see as we interact socially. We trust that our passwords keep our information safe. We believe that these companies care about out privacy and will do all they can to protect us. How many of us even really take the time to read the privacy policies and terms of use agreements we sign? I imagine more of us read these now than in the past due to the uprise in stories being released about our email being poured over for information about our interests, for purposes of advertising campaigns. Not to mention the monitoring of email by our government in an effort to prevent something like 911 from ever reoccurring.

Stories about our privacy being pretty much non-existent in this day and age are getting to be fairly commonplace, and I would venture to guess that most of you feel about it as I do. Even though, we don't like people looking over our shoulders we realize and accept the need for certain types of monitoring. We are willing to allow an acceptable amount of prying as long as it's for valid reasons like preventing terrorism. Even the advertising schemes, I don't approve or condone, but I am able to understand it and it does make the advertising more interesting on a personal level. I can almost even accept that someone from here out will be poking their noses into my private life on a fairly regular basis as long as I am assured that the information is being used for corporate purposes and is not collected nor compiled in a personally targeted manor. The day I read something I said to my neighbor in a private email being published publically with my identity exposed is the day I walk away from any form of electronic communications. My hopes are that it will never get to an unprofessional level such as that.

On the darker side of things I am aware of what the Holy Bible teaches about end times. I am also aware that there is talk about those times being linked to something that people now refer to as "The New World Order". This is a mixture of what we know (the Bible) and what has either been dreamt of by social radicals or is information that people have come across and shared with the rest of us. On this type of issue we won't know until we get past those times. However, imagining this type of event and others that have already occurred or are occurring in our world today. We have witnessed the holocaust. The American people have twice now been shocked to discover the false sense of security we lived under when first Peril Harbor was bombed and then when we lost the Twin Towers, saw the Pentagon attacked and lost countless American lives in the 911 terrorist attacks. There have been enough world events to convince any rational person of the possibility existing of horrors yet to come. With that said I will let this unpleasantness go with this simple statement, I don't know what the future holds aside from what is told in the Bible. But I do know that I believe there are reasons for the stories that circulate and I believe that they are not all misguided paranoid rantings. Knowing that I as do others, believe that these things are possible it is difficult at times not to imagine the role that this electronic age might play. 

Computers have become a household necessity. We all have one or we all want one. We pour more and more information daily into our PC's, Mac's and mobile devices. The more these smart objects assist us with our professional, social, and day to day lives the more we lend power to its information system. There isn't much about us if you stop to think about it, that isn't recorded and stored somewhere on someones server, hard drive, or information cloud. From the food that we eat and buy with  credit cards and club discount cards to clothing, furniture, and the other day to day living items we bought the same way to our birth, death, educational history, marriage, and medical records there is an electronic record of every detail about us. It is possible now to track every move we make through our smart phones and other handheld devices. Who we talk to and many of those conversations have become a permanent part of the electronics information warehouse. I don't think and I could be wrong, but I don't believe that anyone is paying all that much attention to these information trails. At least most of us are not of interest to anyone yet. As long as we aren't doing anything illegal or otherwise I believe our information is just being stored as a just in case for a rainy day. As long as we live decent lives we have nothing to be concerned about. And most of us will. But for those about to embark on a criminal lifestyle, good luck to you as you will definitely be up against it more so than any of the criminals of yesterday.  And that is good news right? Yes, it is. As long as our worlds government isn't being run by some of the evil types we've seen in leadership in past years. If it's held to President's that didn't inhale and never had sex with that woman, we should be fine. This is where  troubling thoughts of  information abuse come in. 

But you say that I am talking about the corporate world,not the government that has this information,right?  Even I am not that naive I don't believe my readers are either. We are all aware that on more than one occasion the two have held hands pretty tightly. What is even more frightening is when I read stories like the one I saw today in CNET's report  about Facebook and the confession they made about what they have been up to. It's titled "Facebook's mood study: How you became the guinea pig." Not only is it an invasion of privacy but it links back to the days of psychological tests being done without the permission of the subjects. There were some studies that got way out of hand and became very dangerous for the subjects. Even balanced professionals can get out of control under the right circumstances. It is sad to see this kind of atrocity being repeated.  Even though, no one was injured by this study that Facebook did the unconscionable act of studying another human without consent or permission and manipulating his private information is in every sense of the word wrong. Not to mention it is a gross miss handling of  trust so many give them,regardless of the terms of use and privacy policy that are in effect. Prior permission should always be obtained by anyone who is going to be submitted to controlled psychological testing. 

Studies that seek many similar types of information as what facebook professes to have been looking for are done all the time. But they are done by marketing companies who obtain the individuals permission to study them and usually offer a mice monetary reward as well for your time. They are not done on unsuspecting people who have placed their thoughts and feelings along with a great deal of personal information in the trust of a company that would misuse their power in such a slimy way. 

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Just thinking out loud

This picture I did is so typical of so many things. It is absolutely stunning to me but for goodness sakes what is it? I hadn't planned on painting this when I started and God knows it certainly fits into my collection. Lots of um, I don't knows. I am wondering if anyone else out there has experienced this?

It's like you want to paint and create, but you don't have clue one about what you want or are going to paint so you just start. The colors and the brushes seem to do the rest. That's  kind of funny now that I am sharing this with you It is leading me to a conclusion about the things we create. I am starting to think that it's like the old adage "all art is a reflection of the artist life." Not so much to say that the picture resembles any part of my life other than the lack of direction. I mean there is a path that I am purposefully heading down that is obvious. If not for a certain amount of planned navigation I wouldn't be painting at all. So by doing the art and continuing to write I have obviously chosen where I want to go. I just haven't fine tuned it yet. I haven't planned a specific goal or outcome that I would like to achieve through all this. I wonder, do you think when I do I will have a set picture in mind when I sit down to paint? Hmmmm.

In either event painting and writing are in my soul. I do them because they are part of me. There are things about me, who I am, that otherwise would never be seen by anyone. I simply have no other means of expressing them. It is funny even trying to relate in conversation something that I said when I was writing somehow just doesn't come out the same. Words spoken are not my forte that is certain. But give me a pen and ink and I can say just about anything. So again another epiphany. That's two in one blog! My art then I am seeing as my way of communicating with myself. And my writing my way of communicating to the world.

A very obscure day of honor in comparison

Seems Americans have a day of honor for almost every citizen that resides in the US. We have Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, President's Day, Martin Luther King Day, Secretaries Day, Columbus Day, Bosses Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and a host of personal and religious holidays. Every year I hear about and am aware of these days as they come and go. The activities that different communities promote on these days are covered by the local news. Festivities across the United States are covered as well. It is wonderful that Americans take the time to celebrate and pay tribute to others who sacrifice something to at least someone even if it's their own children. Because honestly that is what makes the mark on a person's travel through their life. So recognizing and rewarding the efforts of the masses is a positive thing. Maybe we should have a day to celebrate all those who celebrate others. LOL Sincerely a day of recognition is important and I am glad we do that in this country. But sometimes in the hoopla, certain categories of responsible self-sacrificing individuals are swept under the rug or somewhat ignored for one reason or another.

For instance there is a day in America that we designate to celebrate a group of individual that give the same sacrifice as another group but doesn't receive the same appreciation. The day of tribute exists for them however it must be just as consolation rather than a truly heartfelt 'Atta boy'. I wonder with this group if it is the difficulty with which the people they give the most of themselves to are the same people who don't usually welcome them into their lives? In addition I wonder if the conundrum is caused by the fact that so many of us at one point have had this self-sacrificing individual playing a part in our lives. We usually encounter them in our childhood and we do not usually appreciate their intrusion into our world. Even if they have come to offer us their love, knowledge, care giving, guidance, and companionship not to mention monetary support, physical involvement such as transportation and sanitation, nutritional guidance and preparation, the list goes on. Then at the end of the day when all is said and done, they usually are people who are happy if we just call them friend. Eventually, most of us do come to see them in those terms. But early in the relationship all we can see as children are intruders. Regardless of the way they are regarded by us, they continue on coming back at us with love. Giving and sacrificing, just like a parent does.

These people, I am sure you have realized are the ones we call step parents. The people who go without so we can have things only for us to make fun of their efforts when they cannot hear. The people that we regard as not good enough for our real parent and certainly not nearly as good as our absent parent they are filling the void for. It is interesting how in some instances the absent birth parent leaves for an unknown selfish reason and barely if at all engages in the life of their child. Yet this adult who stepped into that responsibility holds fast day after day giving more than our natural parent ever attempted to give. Sometimes we grow up and recognize this and begin to treat out step parents with the love and respect that they truly deserve. Sometimes unfortunately we do not. On the other hand, there are naturally instances where the stepparent was even less qualified than our absentee parent was and in reality could care less about the child in their charge. It only makes sense that the remaining parent who married the absentee parent in the first place could make a second miss judgment about the stepparent being parent material as well. However, in all reality they wouldn't be there giving up what they must give up to make it work, when there are children involved unless they were pretty special people to begin with. It is our own confused loyalties and jealousies that create the step-monster image to be so widespread. We color their majority with our prejudices and never really come around to making that right.

It's sad to think that so many people who are willing to love us and our families when others ran quick as they could for fear of the additional responsibilities are so snubbed in this country. The people whom we give the most honor to are really the ones who are just doing after all what is expected of them Parents had children because they wanted a family. They were in love and they procreated and now we are honoring them for doing so? But the poor dirt bag that takes care of America's children and gets absolutely none of the reward either emotionally or personally is looked down upon and treated as if second class. Then we have the courage to complain to our friends and families how the other sex runs at the mention of children. Is it any wonder our choices become limited once we are parents? America as a whole is responsible here. There is a day to honor these individuals. This is truly amazing in two ways. One that we would have a step parent's day and allow it to become such an obscure event. I am now 55 years old and I had no idea until today that this day of honor even existed. It also amazes me that we even have to have a step parent's day on the calendar. After all most of these folks acted as parents in every sense of the word. Why if we are going to honor them do we present them with their day titled with a second class title, and then ignore that it exists anyway. I mean really people. Those of us that had the fun of procreating and then the glory of child birth need to work our Fannies off to correct this situation. We need to educate others, especially our children. And we need to honor the effort these people are making for other people's children.

We need to get it together and correct the wrong that "step" parents are experiencing or there will come a time when single parents are going to find other singles saying your choice now you can just stay that way, a SINGLE parent.

And now you know me

+GOOGLE, you always ask what's new and you always request that I share. This being the first time you have asked me as my pseudonym Amay Ryter, I will answer you with the excitement bubbling as if it were the first time.

I believe you know +ToniAlice Rusher? Well, it is I that does all of her writing and creative thinking. So you see we have spoken many times, you just didn't realize it was I. Deciding that the content writing, networking, tweeting, writing of emails, blogs, essays and outsourced articles, that I have done for Alice in the last 5 years does not keep me nearly as busy as I'd like to be I have chosen o create my own identity for branding and marketing my services as a content writer. To my good fortune Alice has been way to busy with her education, focus on sociological pursuits , and animal welfare to have time for creating multiple websites and public profiles.

In deed Google, it is to my credit many people consider her to be somewhat of a creative workhorse. Not knowing that I was the brains and talent behind her blogs, Your hope is your health, It's about living NOW, Knowingly Undecided, and the latest Speaking Thoughts Out Loud at http://speakingthoughtsoutloud.blogspot.com. I have done all the artwork, writing, and website customizations. Alice has appeared to her peers as a dedicated, talented, and versatile individual. It's no wonder she was hesitant to let me mention our business.  Finally, I was able to convince her allowing me to claim my achievements was the right thing to do. After all I will be here to represent her publicly. I assured her of my professional support trying to calm her nervousness about being exposed.  I will keep my word as a professional to protect her name and explain this just isn't her cup of tea.

Alice really is very busy and is very dedicated to her career pursuits and to rescuing and improving the lives of animals who need her so much. It has been a wonderful five years serving as her ghost writer and learning to express to the world the thoughts of another in the first person. But unlike Alice, I have never really been one to need social exposure and have loved the freedom of anonymity while enjoying active creative expression to a large audience. For good deal of which thanks go to you G+.

Okay, that covers the bulk of it for now Google. Thank you for asking ! It was great having the opportunity to introduce myself and get to know you better on a first person basis. Hopefully, we'll be seeing lots more of each other both in the first person and in many other forms as I now begin expanding my career. And no worries you'll still be hearing the voice of Alice as you have all along.

Wondered what it was like

I have wondered frequently what posting from my android would be like. Just the thought of fighting with the tiny keys and constant errors in typing have held me at bay from attempting it.  Patience is a virtue but certainly not one of mine. However, we are 4 or 5 sentences into this blog now and I am here to tell you the imagined experience is far worse than the reality. This is actually going quite well.

It is interesting how we can talk ourselves into and out of various experiences based on our concept of what it might be like. I speak for myself here, but I have noticed the attitude I focus on an upcoming event has a major impact on the difficulty levels I actually experience. If I can avoid detailed thinking before going somewhere, getting out the door to go tends to be much easier. But if my time prior to is spent dwelling on the difficulties of some previous occasions, it becomes even more of a challenge.  Often faced with memories of unpleasantness in prior experience, I feel fatigued and stressed as a result. I want so much to do what was planned but am so rooted in the difficulties of the past I do not have the will necessary to get there. Since my disability I have found it is essential that I keep my focus on the goal and avoid thinking about the previous difficulties if I want to get out the door. With a clear head I then can expect that each experience will be unique unto itself. Some I will enjoy more than others. The important point is I will experience these opportunities rather than giving up because of preconceived notions.
 
While I am still here, and that could be for sometime to come, I want to live my life. I will not allow my mind to trick me into avoiding one more single event. I have missed enough.  And mobile blogging?  Yep I will do this again. It has been painless thus far and for some the benefits are huge.  I will update in comments about how the editing and sharing experience is. I am expecting a very pleasant experience. Based on the smoothness of this experience thus far my expectations should be right on.